Different

Different is the word of the year. It has covered the good, bad and ugly. It has covered the Great. The exciting. The adventures. The falls. The hardships. Different has kept the sailor in me from coming out; sometimes. Different has made it easy to describe what I’m feeling when I’m so unsure. It’s one word that can describe every aspect of my life right now. Every Single Aspect.

I’ve a feeling it will come with me in 2012. I don’t know any other word that can do what different does. Most days I’m okay with different. And truly, my life Is very different. A Lot has happened in one year. At times it seems too much; my body will tell you that. At times it seems to not be enough; that’s my annoying mind wanting to do more. The two fight. I usually ignore their banter. Otherwise it’s all that I hear.

Different.

Different area.
Different home.
Different culture.
Different people.
Different job.
Different schedule.
Different food.
Different exercise.

Different is no longer looking like different should, let alone sound like it.

Different doctors.
Different approaches.
Different concerns.
Different technology.
Different data.
Different support.
Different answers.
Different unknowns.

My life is different. What I do is different. What I think is different. What I feel is still a mess. But the majority of the different is good. It just has not fully outweighed the bad. There may be more good but the bad sticks, like glue. And when you try to remove that glue, it gets everywhere. It lingers, even after you scrub really hard. You know the glue was there. It’s hard to forget.

What I have not forgotten is the different has moved me forward. Onward I go. Whether I want to, need to, have to…. I move onward. If my movement is forward I know I’ll be ok.

Side note: I Love the OmniPod. I’m still adjusting but I Love the freedom. Love. The DexCom has been awesome. I love the trends it offers. A bit more insight into what I do wrong can be good, if I don’t dwell; see it, deal with it, learn from it, move on. There was no miracle of a couple weeks and POOF my blood glucose levels are decent. I’m learning all over again in a way. I’ve learned a lot. Add in stress of the Holidays (I don’t travel well and the food is too good to Not eat) and DexCom might beat out roller coaster designers. One day at a time.

Side note two: My Mom thought she told me her younger brother was Type 2. She said in the past year. YEAR. And I did not know! I saw him before I moved. This upset me a bit. I knew of his other health issues but Not this. I Did know her older sister is in pre-diabetes stage. Encouraging her to do right by her body right now is tough. She’s close to 70.
And worst of all, I found out yesterday that a very, very dear friend of my Dad and step-mom’s passed away on Christmas. She was Type 1, forgot for how long. I remember when she got her mini-med, it was the start of me thinking about a pump. She was only 61. She recently got a puppy. Dad said she was So full of life last week. We speculate a low only because she’s had issues in the past.

I Hate Diabetes. A Lot. It hurts. It’s painful. Mentally and physically it takes a toll like you cannot imagine. It’s different for every single person, at all times. Some bodies can handle certain aspects of Diabetes management. Some minds can too. I know for me it’s hard. It’s a struggle. Not every day but most days. I’m human. I’m me. I have the DNA I do. Some things work, some don’t. It’s a trial and error life. It’s frustrating and angering. And every diagnosis I hear about cuts another hole in my heart. My anger then turns into energy. That energy is spent advocating. It’s spent praying. It’s spent caring and loving and supporting. It can be very tiresome but I know it’s worth it. It’s what I do. What I want to do. That’s how I keep going when I feel like I can’t.

Happy Happy New Year to all! Here’s to a Different Year. (see what I did there?)

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